By Daniel J. Benor, MD

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
                     – Shakespeare, Hamlet

Have you ever had a run of challenging experiences that led you to ask, “How could the Universe possibly be handing me such a raw deal?” Have you ever felt you are being singled out for a particularly challenging boot-camp in a battlefield called life? Have you ever despaired under stresses that seemed overwhelming? Well, welcome to the pendulum called life on Planet Earth.

You are not alone in these ponderings. There is a whole school of philosophy called ‘theodicy,’ which addresses such questions as: “How could God allow evil to exist in the world?” and “If there is evil in the world, can there be a God who is good?”

The answers to these questions are totally individual, decided through the life of each person. At one end of the spectrum are those who say, “Life is miserable and we must simply suffer.” At the other end of the spectrum, “Life is simply a series of lessons, and whether we make ourselves miserable over what life offers us or whether we hold a positive attitude about our life experiences is entirely our own choice.”

An old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all. One is Evil.  It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
                    – Internet fable

Meta-frustrations

In working on myself and in working with clients to clear troublesome issues, I often find that the starting point is one of frustration and anger with negative feelings and negative situations. We are frustrated and unhappy because we are suffering and cannot see a way out of our troubles. Feelings that we have about other feelings are called ‘meta-feelings.’

Many times, the meta-feelings are so strong that they block us from releasing the primary feelings. It is only when we clear the meta-issues that we can fully focus upon and then clear the primary ones.

‘Sharon’ had a festering anger at her husband for his infidelity that had led to their divorce. She was acutely aware that her anger was prolonging her grief reaction over her separation and divorce, and making it difficult for her as well as for her husband and two young children. She had had several rounds of counseling with two different therapists, to no avail, and was very frustrated and angry with herself for making everyone’s life miserable – but unable to let go of her anger at her husband.

When Sharon came to learn TWR, she was surprised to have the recommendation that she work first on her anger at herself – rather than at her anger at her husband. Nevertheless, she was able to release her meta-anger within minutes. Her anger at her husband then released almost as quickly.

At the second and last TWR session we clarified that her previous therapists had addressed the primary angers at her husband rather than at her own anger at herself.

…by hating evil or one who is engaged in evil you contribute to the absence of Light and not to its presence. Hatred of evil does not diminish evil, it increases it.
                     – Gary Zukav

Negativity gives birth to positivity

All evil vanishes for he who keeps the sun in his heart. 
                     – Hindu proverb

I have increasingly come to see that what appears at first to be negativity is very often a stimulus and invitation for positivity to develop. This is not to deny that negativity feels bad and can be painful, draining, wearying, despairing and even soul-destroying. Rather, it is to point out that if we can rise to the challenges of the negativity then it is transformed, and frequently we are transformed with it. This is as true for groups of people of any size – up to and including nations and our global village, as well as for individuals.

Here is an apocryphal story from Eastern traditions:

A poor farmer in China, a Zen practitioner, had a single horse. This horse was essential to his work. It pulled his plow, brought his produce to market, and provided transportation for his family.

One day, the farmer woke to find the gate open and the horse gone. His neighbors came around to commiserate with him over his loss. He responded only with, “We’ll see.”

Two days later, his stallion returned with a herd of 20 wild mares. His neighbors came around to congratulate him on his wonderful good fortune. Again, he responded only with, “We’ll see.”

The next day, his only son was struggling to ride one of the wild mares and broke his leg. His neighbors came around again to commiserate with him over his bad luck. Again, he responded only with, “We’ll see.”

A week later, the local warlord came to their village, conscripting every able-bodied young male. Naturally, he was unable to take the farmer’s son. His neighbors came around again to congratulate him on his wonderful good fortune. Yet again, he responded only with, “We’ll see…”

Our understanding of reality in any given moment is based on limited awareness of the larger picture. In the fullness of time, we come to appreciate that what we comprehended about a situation may have been partly or totally erroneous, based on the facts we had available for our consideration at the time. In hindsight, we might begin to appreciate that the apparent negativity of a misfortune or even of a tragedy turns out to have life-transforming benefits for us.

Again and again I have heard clients whom I’ve taught TWR report about transformations in their attitudes and beliefs as they released the negativity in their physical and emotional pains and other issues: “This painful problem has totally transformed my life. I’ve grown enormously in my understanding of my place in the world. I’ve met so many wonderful teachers and healers.

A man did some deep work with TWR over simmering, festering angers towards his parents for not having been there to meet his emotional needs when he was a child. He came into a realization that what had happened in this lifetime was an invitation to clear very deep hurts from a previous lifetime very long ago. He recalled being without parents in that lifetime, feeling unloved and unlovable. When he grew up, he found love in a woman who (for reasons he could not understand) suicided. He felt totally abandoned and bereft. He decided at that time that he would never allow anyone to be truly close with him again. Throughout many subsequent lifetimes he found himself unable to open to loving relationships, even when they were available.

With these understandings, he realized he had chosen to be born to these rejecting parents in this lifetime – as a way of stimulating him to clear his pattern of avoiding closeness, out of the fear of again being hurt by rejection and abandonment.

I regularly encourage people who come to me with hurts, fears, angers and other negativity to look beneath the surface of whatever arises, surrounding the circumstances that generated their experiences and feelings. Far more often than not, they discover that their current problems are doorways into understanding and clearing deeper negativities from earlier in their present lives, and sometimes from earlier lifetimes as well.

 

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