By Daniel Benor, MD

We may enter an unusual inner space when we are faced with major changes in our lives; when we opt out or are forced out of our usual patterns of relationships; or when we have a life crisis that forces us to re-evaluate who we are and who we would like to be.

I first learned about the void in the 1980’s, in articles by David (then Dennis) Gersten, another wholistic psychiatrist. The void is a place we enter when we’ve given up old ways of being in the world around us, but haven’t yet figured out how to be a new ‘me’. It’s rather like rowing out into a big lake, to the point where we can’t see the shore we left behind, and can’t yet see the shore on the other side.

This can feel very uncomfortable. It is a space in which we don’t know how to respond to everyday situations because we don’t know who we are any more. We’ve left our old self-image and ways of relating in the world behind us. We don’t quite know where we’re heading, and have no idea who or how we will be when we get there.

Eddy was one of those boys who make mothers of challenging children jealous. He was cheerful, fun-loving, bright, friendly and very responsive to adult guidance. If he got upset he got over it quickly. He was one of the popular boys in his class.

Eddy was fortunate to have a stable home with loving parents. But when he was twelve years old, both his parents were killed in a car crash. Eddy and his younger brother and sister went to live with his uncle and aunt, who stepped in more out of duty than caring. Eddy ended up being a surrogate parent for his brother and sister.

His teachers noted that Eddy’s personality had changed. He became much more withdrawn, nervous and rarely smiled. After a year with faltering grades, Eddy picked up again academically but was never again his old, cheerful self.

Eddy did well academically, and with a state scholarship and hard work he completed an MBA. He was happily married and had two children, whom he and his wife doted on. However, when his wife succumbed in her mid-thirties to a rapidly growing breast cancer, Eddy fell into a deep depression that was unresponsive to antidepressants. His sister had to take over the care for his children.

The good news was that his sister and brother were enormously supportive. They not only helped with his practical needs, they also found him a therapist who helped him deal with his depression. Over a period of eight months, Eddy went through the worst of his grief over losing his wife. At the same time, he found he had several inner caves full of grief over the loss of his parents, of his teen years, and of his earlier, cheerful self.

As Eddy emerged from his grief work, he found himself in an odd, challenging inner space where he didn’t know who he was any more. He had let go of much of his hurt self, his grieving self, his abandoned self, his parentified child self, and of a part of his grief over his wife’s death.

This is an in-between place encountered by many people with major life transformations. They are letting go of old relationships; of major ways of perceiving themselves; of relating to other people; of trauma memories and feelings; of views about life and death; of spiritual beliefs; and more.

They have no clear sense of what to replace all of these relinquishments with; of who they are; who they want to be. They find it hard to know how to respond to family, friends and colleagues – all of whom may have no idea what this person in the void is experiencing. And even with people who are close to them, they may find it difficult to explain what is happening to them because they don’t fully understand this themselves.

Coming to the other shore and learning to live there can be a confusing and stressful time – not only for themselves but for those around them. Patience is in order on all sides.

Gradually, with time and with further processing of their memories, feelings and habits, they start to choose new ways of being and getting on in their lives. They may make major changes in their lifestyles and relationships; what they choose to do for work, recreation and companionship; commitments and goals; spiritual beliefs and practices; and in any and all other aspects of their lives.

TWR can be enormously helpful in clearing old feelings and traumas; reducing anxieties and stresses – in leaving the old shore, traversing the void, and exploring new territory. TWR is also helpful in lessening the intensity of meta-anxieties – those feelings of “OMG! What is happening to me? Who am I? Who do I want to be? How should I behave?”

You may reproduce all or parts of this article in your journal, magazine, ezine, blog or other web or paper publication on condition that you credit the source as follows: Copyright © 2014 Daniel J. Benor, MD, ABHM   All rights reserved. Original publication at WholisticHealingResearch.com where you will find many more related articles on this and similar subjects of wholistic healing.